ADOPTION LOSSES

What exactly are losses in adoption?

Losses in adoption are many so many I need to list them. Loss of mother, siblings, loss of true heritage, loss of familial ties, loss of connection to
someone who looks like you acts like you and mirrors you.

The losses ripple out like a rock that is thrown into a pond. Loss that affects every human being whether they choose to acknowledge it or not. Losses in adoption tear apart something that is valued in our society, the family.The roots the beginnings, the ancestors that we evolved from in coming from a specific mother and father. Grandparents from both sides, cousins, aunts, uncles goes on and on.

Many of those directly involved in adoption loss live in a denial state due to that loss. It is a way of coping a mind coping mechanism much like brain washing. So many mothers are living this way. I was one of those women. A survivor, a woman that knew she had to find to tell my son the truth. I was the only one that could tell him as I lived the truth. No one else could tell my truth but me. I am proud to say I did tell him in 1993.

PAIN AND ADOPTION

Adoption and Pain either way these words bring out strong feelings especially to mothers who have had their baby taken for adoption.

As one of those mothers I would like to comment that I cannot and am not speaking for all mothers. But as a mother and having lived this torment of separation. I know how I have felt and dealt with this pain. I cannot speak for
all moms but as a mother from Era of Mass Adoption or Baby Scoop era we
are pretty much of the same mind.

I cannot speak the word adoption without relating it to pain. When I see how that word is used by politicians to "adopt" a bill. By those who go to the pound to "adopt a pet" now one can even adopt a road. I am so sick of those who think they are so noble they can adopt anything they choose. Why does that word bring out the worst feelings in me? Its the feel good attitude that one assumes when they can adopt something.

My wish is that those who feel they need to adopt anything and everything just stop and think what adoption entails to those who have lost a child to adoption.
Of course, why should one think about loss in adoption when one is gaining, something, a new child. A new dog..why would anyone be sad?

After, all we are just the afterthoughts of adoption the mother who lost, who gave a gift, who didn't care enough, who didn't want their own baby.

Those who have gained are elated to have a child. Never considering the the baby or mother they are taking might have to live in pain because of the adoption. We disappear go off into the shadows to live without our baby.

The aftermath of adoption is a horrible way to live. Compared to MIA where the family lives on without ever knowing if the baby survived. There is much pain involved throughout this process and I have experienced it as a mother who had my baby taken in the sixties.

Gale

MOTHERS AND OTHERS

My first post to my new blog. July 5, 2010!

The title is an interesting one to me as I am a mother to 5 grown adults.I was allowed to raise four of the children I bore. My second born was taken
for adoption. NOT MY CHOICE. Many of of you probably are thinking second
born? Why would I be allowed to keep my first born daughter and then go on
and lose my second born son? Not sure why I was forced to give him up? After,
being in reunion since 93 still don't know why. As a mother a dependent one I
should have had help to keep my family intact. My kids were full sibs. The social worker proceeded to tear my family apart due to the fact I had no leg to stand on being a minor. My mom took me to L.A. County Adoptions and the worker did what she did best helped another woman get my baby. To hell with me or my baby.

So in this blog I am mother and the "others" are all those that were involved
and that have been involved with me losing my baby. My immediate family
my son's sibs are not in this group as they are immediate family and have
been affected by the loss too. They lost a sibling due to no fault of their own.
The loss has devastated me as his mother but as mother I knew that I had to
be strong. I was for over 26 years. I raised my children and thought about how
one day I wanted to find my son. I knew I had to find him. I did find him in April of 1993.

The others that I previously mentioned are my mother, my step "dad" and social worker. Those are the people that had a hand in me losing my baby. They gave me no options. I was forced into adoption. I had already had my daughter, was a young mother. So I knew that I had to care for her. Didn't even think twice about that as I was her mom. Loved my baby girl. After I got pregnant the second time things had changed. I had a new step dad who suddenly was in charge. My mom had been a single mom since divorcing my dad. I had my same boyfriend the boy that had got me pregnant. He stuck with me during pregnancy. His life remained same mine changed. I could NOT attend school.

I went back to regular school after having my baby girl. I was a good student. I was a good mom. Then my boyfriend decided to enter service. He enlisted in the Army. Suddenly, he was gone to basic training. He was busy and so was I raising our baby. He came home from basic and we again were together during summer of 65. We rekindled our love and that's when I became pregnant.

After I realized I was pregnant again I wasn't sure what or how I was going to tell my mom. After months of hiding my pregnancy with a large coat I had to tell her. She freaked out. My step "dad" was told and told me that everything would be ok. They set me up with social worker, and that was pretty much how the "others" handled me and my baby.

In the sixties young girls were either forced to marry. Or forced into adoption. Due to the fact that my mom, step "dad" and boyfriends parents made the decison we were too young to marry first time. We didn't even get a second chance. After all my boyfriend being groomed for war.

The "others" made the choices that would affect my life, my well being, and pretty much set the course of my life. Since I was a good mom to my daughter and the baby I was carrying was full sib to my daughter. I could NOT understand the thinking of any of the "others" My children had a right to be together. They were mine and I wanted my son.

Problem was as much as I wanted my baby there was no one to help me. My boyfriend gone. My mother freaking. My step "dad" made the decisions and I was lead off to Los Angeles County Adoption.